Sunday, May 9, 2010

How do you know what's right?

How do you know what's right? I just...I'm questioning...

Did I do the right thing by making aliyah? I was so sure that this was right for me, that I wanted to be in Israel. And I am. I'm so sure that this is the right place for me and that I should be here.

But I’m also questioning if I shouldn’t have stayed in NY and shouldn’t have left some people.

Would staying there have just been safe? Coming to Israel was definitely a leap of faith on many levels and in a way there’s not a day that I don’t have some regret, or twinge of missing NY…home…something.

It’s so hard to be here. I love it and it's in a way easier to be here, I don't have to explain things. But it's so hard emotionally. You're missing things and people and you can't be there for your family and friends the way you were before and you want to and it just hurts.

You know there are other people who are going through this, and went through this, but somehow it's not your situation and it's just not the same.

I understand what Mom was saying about me being lonely. Mom, if you're reading this (not that I think you know it exists or know how to find it, but all the same)-- don't worry, I'm fine. I promise. I just miss the usual birthday routine.

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