Standing

AS SHE STANDS
By Katy Pfaffl


A little girl stands all alone
On the stage of life
With her mother and father
Proudly beside her.
So to save them from the world
She grabs a hand
And puts an arm around the other
The mother
And it’s the father
She holds gently in her hand.

Then suddenly
The time goes faster
And she sees just how
The years have past her
And she wonders
How she managed to be
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future
As she’s

Standing all alone
On a crowded subway platform
Late at night
Watching and living
Reaching and giving
To a lonely man that passes by
She feels his soul
And has to try
Sharing and caring
Smiling just to help him ease the pain.

Then suddenly
The time goes faster
And she sees just how
The years have past her
And she wonders
How she managed to be
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future
As she stands.



Stepping through the tragedies
The vacancies of aging
Letting go of “cannot be’s “
Of “won’ts” and “shouldn’ts”
“Couldn’ts”, “don’ts “ and “whys”…
Standing on the doorstep
Of a mansion full of dreams
And walking right inside
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future as she’s

Stepping through the violence
The broken glass,
The words that last forever
Letting go of “never tells “
And “never be’s “
And “never even try’s”.
Standing on the doorstep
Of a mansion full of dreams
And walking right inside
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future as she’s
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future as she’s

Standing high on a mountaintop
With a boy
And truth that just won’t stop
Pouring and seeping
Soaring and leaping
High as the clouds up above
And all she’s wishing for is love
Freely and deeply
That he’d see
The gem inside her eyes.

Then suddenly
The time goes faster
And she sees just how
The years have past her
And she wonders
How she managed to be
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future as she’s
Holding the whole world in her hands
Shaping the future
As she stands

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I just told someone not to wait for me, because I'm not leaving Israel. So I've chosen Israel over someone I could have seen myself actaully marrying and building a life with.

More later. Right now I feel like a truck ran over me. Or, rather, I manged to run myself over with a truck that I was driving.

Sicky time. Again.

You know all those bugs you get when you're little and then don't get again? Yeah, now I'm getting all the Israeli ones. You know, the ones I haven't been exposed to until now.

Yesterday I was sick. True to form, I pushed myself and went to work in the morning-- after all, I was able to walk (nevermind that I felt sick and dizzy). I ended up leaving work early, going to the doctor, and getting a sick note for yesterday and today.

I feel better-- now just a bit queasy and headachey. But I only have work until 1 tomorrow and no meeting, so that's good. I think I'll go to work then come home and rest.

How many families can one person have?

I am very fortunate or blessed, or however you would like to put it.

I have my family that I was born into, and then I have other family that is made up of friends:
In America...
I have Sara, and my Queens Mommy and sister.
I have Dina, who I've known forever.
I have Becca and Carly.
I have Ali, who is my more-than-sister.
I have Chari (and Eli) and Stephie and their parents.
I have Estelle and Joe.
I have Barbara and Glen and Sharon, Becky, Ari, Miriam, Naomi, Shoshi, Dassi, Bracha, and Leah.

In Israel...
Rita and Dov and their family who I have known since I was born but were like aunt and uncle and cousins who I saw once a year but still--were family. They are like my parents here and their kids are like my siblings and their grandkids like my nieces and nephews, I am another aunt to them. Rita and Dov's house is home to me here. My stuff is there, I have my room, I get a bracha from Dov on Friday night...it's home.
Mark and Yaffa, who-- ok. Back story. My mom and Mark grew up together. But their mothers, my grandma and Mark's kids' grandma, went to elementary school together. So we all go way back. I only met Mark about 2 and change years ago. When I came to Israel for my post-OT school trip, my mom asked me to look up Mark-- Moshe (my mom calls him Mark, but he goes by Moshe here. I call him by both names). I kept putting it off, and then when I got back to NY I googled him and found him. My mom called him, and got back in touch-- and found out that two of his children lived near us and he was coming in for Sukkot. Mark and the kids came for a meal, and got to see my Grandpa (my Grandpa passed away about 6 months later, so it was very special that he got to see Mark and that Mark got to see him-- they hadn't seen each other since Mark made aliyah, in the 70's). One of Mark's children who is close to my age and I have since become friends also. Anyway, so they are family. I've given up trying to explain my connection at family things. And as one of his sons says, "You're family."
My roommates.
The people I made aliyah and went to ulpan with.
MDA Chul people, who were my family before I had so much here.


I was by a friend last year a little before Pesach (wow, feels like that was just recently) and we were talking about where we were going to be for Pesach and our plans. He said that he was going to one of his adopted families. To me that made perfect sense-- after all, I had an adopted family, too, and was going to them for Pesach.

About a month and a half ago I went to a family who I got in contact with via the mom's blog. I finally went. And I enjoyed very much-- felt really comfortable and just...you know when things just fit and are comfortable and not stressful and fun? Yeah, that. Someone came over, and she was introducing everyone and got to me. And she was kind of like, "This is Lauren. She's--" and she stopped. Took a pause and then said, "She's our guest. She already has an adopted family."

I'm sort of wondering how many families a person can have. Is there even a limit?

Sorry...

Haven't updated in a while. Oops.

Let's see...what's been going on since my aliyahniversary? Not much. But I'm going to update anyway.

To celebrate my aliyaniversary, I had the gingerbread party. This is what the house looked like before it was eaten: --scratch that, Blogger is not a fan of uploading my pictures now-- So...the house was decorated with cranberries, Fruit by the Foot, gumdrops, tea biscuits ("biskveetim"), pull 'n' peel, jelly beans, marshmallows, chocolate, toffees...lots of candy. All held in place by royal icing which we used as glue. A few people came, decorated people, ate the house...yum. Next year- maybe going back to basics. Hopefully more people will come (as a side note, "hopefully" means "in a hopeful manner." That would mean that my sentence actually reads, "In a hopeful manner, more people will come." Which is not what I mean at all; I mean, "I hope that more people will come." And I know that I am using the word incorrectly. Moving on) and it will be more fun.

In terms of work- my third school is getting better, now that I'm getting more into it. I might stay there another year, because it's...it takes time to get into things. And it seems that now, that I'm doing more and actually doing OT instead of trying to set up a schedule and getting frustrated, I'm actually treating. The downside is that this population is VERY tough. I thought it was a school for learning disabilities, and it is (at least technically) classified as such, but the population is also very significantly behavioral/emotional problems. Yay! I don't even get mainstream Israeli culture, let alone culture with problems! My second school is...tough. I had a session that the principal sat in on. I thought she was coming to see a different session-- and she came late and didn't come to that one. She saw a session that was VERY tough for me-- one of the classes that I work in is mostly communication and developmental delays-- and I have two very involved children in that class, and she happened to have seen one of the tough ones for me. We talked about the observation after, and she said some things from an OT perspective as well that I actually thought about as I was treating, but there was also some pressure that I felt because...well, it was an observation and the principal is not only my principal but she is an OT as well so she looks at things from an OT perspective also. But she also came to another session-- at the discussion she asked me if I had other groups today, and what time? So she came to another group- a movement/organization and social skills group, which she came to and it was REALLY good. She felt that the game they played at the end was a little low for them, but she also did acknowledge and understand why I chose the game, despite it being a little low for them (just-right challenge anybody?). She also saw me in a very good session- a population that I'm more comfortable with, better with. I did a little EI and worked with some kids who had communication problems, but this is very different in terms of setting and HOW involved the kids are. These kids are more involved than ones I've worked with before, and I'm having difficulty communicating with them. I know that I need guidance and instruction in this area. But now she also sees that I'm not incompetent and I know what I'm doing-- she saw the technical-- she really saw it in the first session, and that was how she described the session: technical--, but this time she also saw the "art" part of my practice in addition to the "science." Anyway, so that school is more of a challenge than it was originally. My first school is fine. The other OT that I see and I get along, and we're actually going to be going ahead with a splinting project and make the kids splints. And about half the kids there need them. Yay for splinting practice! Oh! And so far I've gotten two pay stubs. Not that they were necessarily correct or anything, but it's a start. And I signed up for the keren hishtalmut (every 6-8 years I get a sabbatical to go study) before December 31, so this year WILL count, which is good.

Social Life- Need to work on that more. I am going to audition for a play tomorrow (I think), so we'll see what happens with that. English, obviously.
Yesterday was Shirah's wedding. Shirah and I sat next to each other on the plane here and were in ulpan together. Last night was her wedding which was kind of a mini Ulpan reunion. She was a beautiful kallah, and the wedding was-- someone described it as feeling like a bat mitzvah, and I understand that. There was a...fun-ness and so much joy. Shirah's parents and other family was there by Skype, since they weren't able to come in. It was a lot of friends from Shirah's side, and, at least for me, this was totally, totally about making Shirah (and Moshe) happy-- being משמח חתן וכלה. And this was what this wedding felt like.
I also realized I need to wander around my neighborhood and make friends here. I'm staying in my apartment this Shabbos, and I'm eating by Yehuda and Elkie and Aryeh and Elinor for dinner and lunch.
Oh, my roommate got engaged. Mazal tov!

What else? That's about it.

I do apologize for the lack of entries lately. It seems that the busier I am, the less time I have to blog and the more my handwritten journal gets written in, simply because I take it with me and write waiting for the bus or in meetings when I need to have my hands busy or just am waiting for something somewhere. I will try to blog at least once a week.

Another blog I would like to draw your attention to: my friend and fellow olah, Ophra, has a beautiful blog where she writes about...well...pretty much everything. And her poetry is so expressive ::hearts:: She writes here: A Labyrinth