Friday, December 25, 2009

I don't even know what to put in the subject line.

It's my last Shabbos at home before I make aliyah. I'm not sure how I feel. In a way it still hasn't hit me yet and in a way it's really hitting me now, like, "Last Shabbos here."

Sara pointed out last night that I wasn't leaving forever, that I'll be back in 6 months; she said something like, "It's like you're going on a trip, but instead of it being 3 months it's 6 months." It still FEELS different because I'm not going on a trip, I'm going to make a life there. It's really scary now-- I'm leaving my job and financial security and safety and my friends and comfort and knowing things here for a place where I will be making about 1/4 of what I make now, will be living on my own and responsible for bills and it's a language that I understand somewhat, but I'm not as fluent as in English and it' feels right there, but it's really scary because I'm leaving on my won for the first time, really on my own. I guess that makes me a grown-up? That's kind of scary. I'm really starting to "get" what Mom was saying about being lonely. I have Rita and Dov and everyone and friends and they will help me get through it and start my life there, but it's starting my...maybe that's what it is.

I'm not only moving, but I'm starting my life. I think more than the moving to Israel, it's the moving out and being so much on my own and disconnected from my parents that scares me. I know I have to do this, but I just...I never thought I would be doing this and it's scary.

Maybe the post title should be "scared"-- no, that's too negative and it's...I'm scared but I'm also eager and excited.

No comments:

Post a Comment