Since I was little, summer was filled with humidity and thunderstorms providing relief from said humidity.
I love storms and always have-- the smell before and after, watching the dark gray stormclouds come in and slowly shift across the sky with a clear line between the storm and the non-storm sky, the change to shades of green or orange depending on the storm, the sound of the drops and the rush of water as the sky opens up, the sound of the thunder and the deep vibrations throughout my body, the actual cracks and bolts of lightening across the sky and the way some lightening actually lights up the entire sky. And, of course, going outside when it's only raining and no longer thundering and lightening-ing.
Last night there was a beautiful storm. I was walking back to my house when the thunder started, and then the lightening. As I was walking home I must have seen about 4 or 5 clear cracks of lightening, with one lighting up the entire sky. Ma rabu ma'asecha Hashem [How numerous are your works, G-d].
I am always in awe when it thunderstorms.
Downside to living in Israel: Not enough thunderstorms. Or snow.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Clarification Re: my previous post
The challenge is to come up with possible solutions to "PB [peanut butter] goes with..."
The things to match the PB with are:
a. J [jelly]
b. chocolate
c. banana (honey and bacon optional)
d. fluff
The example that I gave previously, say it was choice e., was "celery and raisins." I am looking for what the combination of PB, celery, and raisins would be called. Answer: Ants on a log.
Another example:
Pretzels. Answer: Peanut-butter coated pretzels. Another answer: Dipping pretzels in peanut butter.
Not looking for super-deep answers here. Go!
The things to match the PB with are:
a. J [jelly]
b. chocolate
c. banana (honey and bacon optional)
d. fluff
The example that I gave previously, say it was choice e., was "celery and raisins." I am looking for what the combination of PB, celery, and raisins would be called. Answer: Ants on a log.
Another example:
Pretzels. Answer: Peanut-butter coated pretzels. Another answer: Dipping pretzels in peanut butter.
Not looking for super-deep answers here. Go!
Friday, July 22, 2011
PB goes with...
a. J
b. chocolate
c. banana (honey and bacon optional)
d. fluff
A batch of cookies of your choice to the person who comes up with the most combinations that mean something in classic American culture the quickest (in lieu of the batch of cookies, you may choose a cake or other baked food such as bread. Oh, and we have to be in the same country so I can get you the cookies). I will give an example:
"PB goes with..." if the choice was "celery and raisins," a correct answer would be, "ants on a log." There may be more than one answer-- goal: the most and culturally correct answers.
I've been baking again. I've missed it. I am a very spoiled child when it comes to kitchen and cooking/baking/decorating equipment. My mother bakes a lot, and so has lots of stuff-- pretty much everything you could need to bake and decorate-- different trays, molds, utensils, scoops, etc. It's wonderful. I've gotten used to baking with less than my mother's full kitchen, as well as doing almost everything by hand (definitely all the mixing), so when she offered me her mixer, I declined. I've gotten used to mixing things by hand. I just hate the dishes.
I have very quickly gotten used to large quantities-- a 1 lb. (approx. 450 grams) block of margarine. A 1-gallon (approx. 3.78 liters) jug of oil. 5-lb. (approx. 2.2 kilos) bags of flour. A 5 lb. (again, approx. 2.2 kilos) bottle of honey. And it's not like these are in restaurant supply places; many of these things can be found in the regular supermarket (actually, I think everything except the honey). I will miss these things. Oh, well.
In addition to the cookies, I also made challah today and the dough came out AMAZING. I let it rise in the spare bedroom because it was warm in there and it rose beautifully! It was one of the best doughs I think I've ever worked with; it could also be the extra kneading-- I kneaded it a bit more than usual. The flour also felt...lighter somehow. Maybe finer. Either way, the challahs came out beautiful.
Also, Fairway has za'atar. Except their za'atar doesn't actually include any hyssop (the literal translation of za'atar is hyssop), and includes oregano. First time I've seen za'atar like this. I used it anyway.
b. chocolate
c. banana (honey and bacon optional)
d. fluff
A batch of cookies of your choice to the person who comes up with the most combinations that mean something in classic American culture the quickest (in lieu of the batch of cookies, you may choose a cake or other baked food such as bread. Oh, and we have to be in the same country so I can get you the cookies). I will give an example:
"PB goes with..." if the choice was "celery and raisins," a correct answer would be, "ants on a log." There may be more than one answer-- goal: the most and culturally correct answers.
I've been baking again. I've missed it. I am a very spoiled child when it comes to kitchen and cooking/baking/decorating equipment. My mother bakes a lot, and so has lots of stuff-- pretty much everything you could need to bake and decorate-- different trays, molds, utensils, scoops, etc. It's wonderful. I've gotten used to baking with less than my mother's full kitchen, as well as doing almost everything by hand (definitely all the mixing), so when she offered me her mixer, I declined. I've gotten used to mixing things by hand. I just hate the dishes.
I have very quickly gotten used to large quantities-- a 1 lb. (approx. 450 grams) block of margarine. A 1-gallon (approx. 3.78 liters) jug of oil. 5-lb. (approx. 2.2 kilos) bags of flour. A 5 lb. (again, approx. 2.2 kilos) bottle of honey. And it's not like these are in restaurant supply places; many of these things can be found in the regular supermarket (actually, I think everything except the honey). I will miss these things. Oh, well.
In addition to the cookies, I also made challah today and the dough came out AMAZING. I let it rise in the spare bedroom because it was warm in there and it rose beautifully! It was one of the best doughs I think I've ever worked with; it could also be the extra kneading-- I kneaded it a bit more than usual. The flour also felt...lighter somehow. Maybe finer. Either way, the challahs came out beautiful.
Also, Fairway has za'atar. Except their za'atar doesn't actually include any hyssop (the literal translation of za'atar is hyssop), and includes oregano. First time I've seen za'atar like this. I used it anyway.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My country is on fire, and not just because it's ridiculously hot out
Or, How Lauren Admitted She's Become Kinda Racist...
Over the past week there have been fires "breaking out" all over. Quite a few in the Jerusalem area, however there was one today in the center of the country. Question marks if they are arson, partly due to the fact that there were multiple fires that started at approximately the same time. Oh, and earlier also, one in the Golan (but that was apparently set by careless hikers (?), so we'll put that in a separate category). I read about the various fires and I asked a friend in the 911 system there (ok, it's not 911, but I mean the emergency services-- police, fire, ems) if the fires were set by Arabs.
Seriously, when did I become such a racist? Ok, fine, it's when I started admitting out loud that, especially in my area, there are many Arabs who want to kill me. Not all of them, but many. On the other hand, I work with many, many Arabs who are really nice. I mean, I never asked them if they want to kill me, but...I don't think they do...
It's not so okay to be racist in America. But people are, and that's life.
I have this conflict, because on one hand-- I shouldn't be racist and should not jump to "Arabs?" Because there are many fine Arabs-- I work with many. But...I guess...it's kind of become a little...reflexive, if you will. A little more alert, a little more aware, of who is around me. Picking up on the subtle accent on certain letters. But I still will get up for an elderly Arab on the bus, because he/she is an elderly person and that's right. I treat Arab kids the same as the Jewish ones. I mentioned this to another friend and he said that I'm Israeli-- nothing you can do about it. But that still leaves this conflict unresolved.
Signing off with "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" from Avenue Q.
Over the past week there have been fires "breaking out" all over. Quite a few in the Jerusalem area, however there was one today in the center of the country. Question marks if they are arson, partly due to the fact that there were multiple fires that started at approximately the same time. Oh, and earlier also, one in the Golan (but that was apparently set by careless hikers (?), so we'll put that in a separate category). I read about the various fires and I asked a friend in the 911 system there (ok, it's not 911, but I mean the emergency services-- police, fire, ems) if the fires were set by Arabs.
Seriously, when did I become such a racist? Ok, fine, it's when I started admitting out loud that, especially in my area, there are many Arabs who want to kill me. Not all of them, but many. On the other hand, I work with many, many Arabs who are really nice. I mean, I never asked them if they want to kill me, but...I don't think they do...
It's not so okay to be racist in America. But people are, and that's life.
I have this conflict, because on one hand-- I shouldn't be racist and should not jump to "Arabs?" Because there are many fine Arabs-- I work with many. But...I guess...it's kind of become a little...reflexive, if you will. A little more alert, a little more aware, of who is around me. Picking up on the subtle accent on certain letters. But I still will get up for an elderly Arab on the bus, because he/she is an elderly person and that's right. I treat Arab kids the same as the Jewish ones. I mentioned this to another friend and he said that I'm Israeli-- nothing you can do about it. But that still leaves this conflict unresolved.
Signing off with "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" from Avenue Q.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Aha, the NYCDOE
Note: This post is kind of disjointed.
Back working in the DOE as a contractor. Someone asked me if I preferred being a DOE therapist or a contract therapist, and I said "DOE." Definitely prefer being DOE-- much easier and much more flexible. So what if I can't take RSA kids at a clinic? Or work at Macy's? I have so many more options that I don't need to.
Being a contractor is a pain, because you're second. Caseloads go to DOE therapists first and you get whoever is left. You only get paid if you see the kid-- if the kid isn't there, you don't see them = you don't get paid for that session, despite you being there. The awesome courses that the DOE gives-- you don't get. Also, you don't have paperwork time, which also sucks. There are upsides, too-- I can leave once I've seen all my kids for the day; if I have 10 sessions, I can leave when all of those kids have been seen, regardless of the hour. But I prefer being DOE, but the DOE doesn't hire summer employees. So I am doing contract. In the end I didn't get the kids I wanted (because a DOE therapist picked them up-- but hey-- they're getting seen, which is more than they were for the past couple of years!), but I'm at the school I was at two summers ago, and splitting sites, which is fine-- 2 days one school, 3 days another. Maybe I'll have some of my kids from two years ago.
I like the lists-- who is mandated for what therapy and how much; much more organized than "Ok, here is your class, go decide who needs OT and how much who is getting. Oh, and you only have a few hours for all these kids, and if you don't treat them they don't get OT." At least this way the kids who don't get seen in school have the option to go elsewhere and it's covered. There also aren't whole class sessions, which is a nice change.
Back working in the DOE as a contractor. Someone asked me if I preferred being a DOE therapist or a contract therapist, and I said "DOE." Definitely prefer being DOE-- much easier and much more flexible. So what if I can't take RSA kids at a clinic? Or work at Macy's? I have so many more options that I don't need to.
Being a contractor is a pain, because you're second. Caseloads go to DOE therapists first and you get whoever is left. You only get paid if you see the kid-- if the kid isn't there, you don't see them = you don't get paid for that session, despite you being there. The awesome courses that the DOE gives-- you don't get. Also, you don't have paperwork time, which also sucks. There are upsides, too-- I can leave once I've seen all my kids for the day; if I have 10 sessions, I can leave when all of those kids have been seen, regardless of the hour. But I prefer being DOE, but the DOE doesn't hire summer employees. So I am doing contract. In the end I didn't get the kids I wanted (because a DOE therapist picked them up-- but hey-- they're getting seen, which is more than they were for the past couple of years!), but I'm at the school I was at two summers ago, and splitting sites, which is fine-- 2 days one school, 3 days another. Maybe I'll have some of my kids from two years ago.
I like the lists-- who is mandated for what therapy and how much; much more organized than "Ok, here is your class, go decide who needs OT and how much who is getting. Oh, and you only have a few hours for all these kids, and if you don't treat them they don't get OT." At least this way the kids who don't get seen in school have the option to go elsewhere and it's covered. There also aren't whole class sessions, which is a nice change.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Grenade Cake, II
For A Labyrinth, A Soldier's Mother, freevees/aka FishInTheJello and anyone else who can appreciate a cake that looks like it could involve an explosive device:
That would be the grenade cake. And in case you're wondering-- no, the words and flowers don't taste good. They were not nearly as flavorful or as tasty as one might hope, since they have bright colors. They were taste-tested before placing them on the cake, and the conclusion was that the cake's flavor would compensate for the lack of flavor on the words and flowers part. On the upside, they weren't bad. Just not good-tasting...kind of-- eh. Next time use frosting or real sugar letters.
That would be the grenade cake. And in case you're wondering-- no, the words and flowers don't taste good. They were not nearly as flavorful or as tasty as one might hope, since they have bright colors. They were taste-tested before placing them on the cake, and the conclusion was that the cake's flavor would compensate for the lack of flavor on the words and flowers part. On the upside, they weren't bad. Just not good-tasting...kind of-- eh. Next time use frosting or real sugar letters.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Chinese Fortune Cookie Fortune
"You don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding." --Guy Finley, via a fortune cookie
Agree-- but disagree. You need understanding to be able to realize that you need to let go, but you also need the strength to act on it. You can understand all you want, but until you have the strength to let go you're just going to understand. And until you understand that you have to let go-- that what you're holding on to isn't helping you or is somehow hurting you-- you can be as strong as you want, and you're still going to be fighting the letting go, because you don't know why you have to let go.
Discuss.
Agree-- but disagree. You need understanding to be able to realize that you need to let go, but you also need the strength to act on it. You can understand all you want, but until you have the strength to let go you're just going to understand. And until you understand that you have to let go-- that what you're holding on to isn't helping you or is somehow hurting you-- you can be as strong as you want, and you're still going to be fighting the letting go, because you don't know why you have to let go.
Discuss.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Related Health Professions (aka OT, PT, Speech, Dieticians) law changes (again)
Or, Timing Is Everything
I have been amazingly blessed in terms of timing and my aliyah. Here is a timeline, starting from HS graduation (it really starts from there, because that's when I went on Birthright and ended up in MDA...just...read)
June 2003: HS graduation, leave on Birthright the next day. Decide on the return flight to America that the plane can leave, but I was staying. Plane did not leave my seat on the tarmac. Oh, well.
September 2003: Start getting involved in Birthright alumni stuff in NY, including the Book Club (since defunct). At some point between here and Fall 2005, meet Michah Aron (Cohler), and he sends me a copy of a film he made, "Someday Soldiers," about a man named Yochai Porat who was killed during his work as a medic in the IDF (remember this; it comes into play later).
Summer 2004: Work on Christ in the City (director: Yitz Brilliant) and meet Ben, who left to do JIF (Jewish Impact Films) in LA (did not know that he was leaving to do JIF, just that he left after the first round of filming
December 2005: Participate in JIF (Jewish Impact Films), a 10-day film program in Israel. Before we left, one of the staff members said something to the effect of, "So you're planning on moving here?" to me. I told him no; maybe I could come for a couple of years, but I couldn't leave my family.
Fall 2007: Decide that after I finish OT school I want to go to Israel for a couple of months, because I hadn't been there more than 10 days at a shot. I decide to go to a seminary for a few weeks and then do something else boil it down to Sar-El Volunteer program and the Yochai Porat* Magen David Adom Overseas volunteer program. Talk to people, decide on MDA.
December 2007: Interview for MDA, get accepted. Learn how the Israeli system works: if you don't ask for it enough/make enough noise, nothing happens. The more you push, the faster things move.
February 2008-March 2008: Start the 10-day training course and volunteer with MDA. Make lots of friends and start to acclimate to the Israeli culture .And think about making aliyah. Don't want to leave, but decide to come back for the 88-hour/Natan courses and madrichim.
May-June 2008: Come back. Do the courses, volunteer, teach. Decide I'm making aliyah.
September 2008: Work in the DOE, plan to make aliyah in July 2009. Lots and lots of research, start making contacts in the OT world in Israel.
January 2009: Pilot trip; meet lots of OTs and talk to NBN.
Spring 2009: Realize that I will not have saved enough to make aliyah in July, and push it off until December.
Summer 2009: Start dealing with license stuff; find out that I have to have a teudat zehut in order to get a license...
December 30, 2009: Aliyah with NBN.
January 2010: Start dealing with OT stuff in Israel.
August 2010: Think I have all my paperwork in, and then find out that, no, they need a letter re: my fieldwork hours. But nobody would tell me this unless I asked...Israel...
October 2010: Get my temporary OT license without having to take the exam-- yes!
July 2010: Find out that as of the latest law change, all OT/PT/Speech have to take a licensing exam.
Now, let's explain how this, timing-wise:
If I hadn't gone on Birthright in June 2003, I would not have gotten involved with the BRI Alumni Organization (the pre-Birthright Next group), and would not have met Michah and would not have heard about MDA Overseas.
If I had not heard about MDA Overseas, or if I had just found it without being able to talk to past participants, I would not have volunteered there.
If I had not volunteered there, I would not have had the group of people that I had to rely on when I made aliyah (and still have).
OT-wise: If I had gone to seminary or done something where I was one year behind in terms of finishing OT school, I would have had to take the exam. In Hebrew.
If I had made aliyah straight after finishing OT school in NY, I wouldn't have had my NYS license and would not have been eligible to get "grandfathered" in for my Israeli license.
If I hadn't made aliyah when I did, I would not have been able to get an Israeli license and would not have been able to not take the exam.
It's so amazing to me that I see so much of how I thought things were bad and they really turned out to be right.
For example: I wasn't able to graduate until June 2008 because there was a mix-up with my credits and I never got credit for courses I was exempted from. If that hadn't happened, I would have graduated on time, taken my exam earlier, and would have started working after Pesach, which would have meant that I couldn't be in Israel for the 88-hour and madrichim, and I would not have built up that network and made the connections that I did to enable me to make aliyah.
If I hadn't pushed my aliyah off to December 2009, I would not have had my roommates from ulpan (who are amazing), and I would not be living in the apartment that I am in, in the location that it is.
If I hadn't been in that course/cycle of ulpan, I would not have met the person who gave me the name and number of somebody at Misrad Habriut to sort all my paperwork out.
If I hadn't made aliyah when I did, I would have had to take the exam. And I would have taken it early, which means it would have been in Hebrew.
Thank you, G-d, for everything!
*In case you haven't made the connection yet, the MDA Overseas program is named for Yochai. He was the person who started the whole thing, and after he was killed the program was named in his honor and memory.
I have been amazingly blessed in terms of timing and my aliyah. Here is a timeline, starting from HS graduation (it really starts from there, because that's when I went on Birthright and ended up in MDA...just...read)
June 2003: HS graduation, leave on Birthright the next day. Decide on the return flight to America that the plane can leave, but I was staying. Plane did not leave my seat on the tarmac. Oh, well.
September 2003: Start getting involved in Birthright alumni stuff in NY, including the Book Club (since defunct). At some point between here and Fall 2005, meet Michah Aron (Cohler), and he sends me a copy of a film he made, "Someday Soldiers," about a man named Yochai Porat who was killed during his work as a medic in the IDF (remember this; it comes into play later).
Summer 2004: Work on Christ in the City (director: Yitz Brilliant) and meet Ben, who left to do JIF (Jewish Impact Films) in LA (did not know that he was leaving to do JIF, just that he left after the first round of filming
December 2005: Participate in JIF (Jewish Impact Films), a 10-day film program in Israel. Before we left, one of the staff members said something to the effect of, "So you're planning on moving here?" to me. I told him no; maybe I could come for a couple of years, but I couldn't leave my family.
Fall 2007: Decide that after I finish OT school I want to go to Israel for a couple of months, because I hadn't been there more than 10 days at a shot. I decide to go to a seminary for a few weeks and then do something else boil it down to Sar-El Volunteer program and the Yochai Porat* Magen David Adom Overseas volunteer program. Talk to people, decide on MDA.
December 2007: Interview for MDA, get accepted. Learn how the Israeli system works: if you don't ask for it enough/make enough noise, nothing happens. The more you push, the faster things move.
February 2008-March 2008: Start the 10-day training course and volunteer with MDA. Make lots of friends and start to acclimate to the Israeli culture .And think about making aliyah. Don't want to leave, but decide to come back for the 88-hour/Natan courses and madrichim.
May-June 2008: Come back. Do the courses, volunteer, teach. Decide I'm making aliyah.
September 2008: Work in the DOE, plan to make aliyah in July 2009. Lots and lots of research, start making contacts in the OT world in Israel.
January 2009: Pilot trip; meet lots of OTs and talk to NBN.
Spring 2009: Realize that I will not have saved enough to make aliyah in July, and push it off until December.
Summer 2009: Start dealing with license stuff; find out that I have to have a teudat zehut in order to get a license...
December 30, 2009: Aliyah with NBN.
January 2010: Start dealing with OT stuff in Israel.
August 2010: Think I have all my paperwork in, and then find out that, no, they need a letter re: my fieldwork hours. But nobody would tell me this unless I asked...Israel...
October 2010: Get my temporary OT license without having to take the exam-- yes!
July 2010: Find out that as of the latest law change, all OT/PT/Speech have to take a licensing exam.
Now, let's explain how this, timing-wise:
If I hadn't gone on Birthright in June 2003, I would not have gotten involved with the BRI Alumni Organization (the pre-Birthright Next group), and would not have met Michah and would not have heard about MDA Overseas.
If I had not heard about MDA Overseas, or if I had just found it without being able to talk to past participants, I would not have volunteered there.
If I had not volunteered there, I would not have had the group of people that I had to rely on when I made aliyah (and still have).
OT-wise: If I had gone to seminary or done something where I was one year behind in terms of finishing OT school, I would have had to take the exam. In Hebrew.
If I had made aliyah straight after finishing OT school in NY, I wouldn't have had my NYS license and would not have been eligible to get "grandfathered" in for my Israeli license.
If I hadn't made aliyah when I did, I would not have been able to get an Israeli license and would not have been able to not take the exam.
It's so amazing to me that I see so much of how I thought things were bad and they really turned out to be right.
For example: I wasn't able to graduate until June 2008 because there was a mix-up with my credits and I never got credit for courses I was exempted from. If that hadn't happened, I would have graduated on time, taken my exam earlier, and would have started working after Pesach, which would have meant that I couldn't be in Israel for the 88-hour and madrichim, and I would not have built up that network and made the connections that I did to enable me to make aliyah.
If I hadn't pushed my aliyah off to December 2009, I would not have had my roommates from ulpan (who are amazing), and I would not be living in the apartment that I am in, in the location that it is.
If I hadn't been in that course/cycle of ulpan, I would not have met the person who gave me the name and number of somebody at Misrad Habriut to sort all my paperwork out.
If I hadn't made aliyah when I did, I would have had to take the exam. And I would have taken it early, which means it would have been in Hebrew.
Thank you, G-d, for everything!
*In case you haven't made the connection yet, the MDA Overseas program is named for Yochai. He was the person who started the whole thing, and after he was killed the program was named in his honor and memory.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Customer Service, American-style
Customer service in America is usually decent, if not good, and if not, you can speak to a manager and just keep going higher up and get your problem resolved. In Israel, customer service is not known for its outstanding quality.
However it does seem to be getting better, I think? Maybe it depends on how loudly you yell. I'm not sure, because I might just be getting louder. But so far I'm usually able to get what I want, or a satisfactory option.
::pat on the back::
However it does seem to be getting better, I think? Maybe it depends on how loudly you yell. I'm not sure, because I might just be getting louder. But so far I'm usually able to get what I want, or a satisfactory option.
::pat on the back::
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
ושבו בנים...
Welcome home to the 245 new olim from the US and Canada who landed this morning on the first NBN #nbnlive flight of Summer 2011! According to the NBN video, there were 850 guests waiting to welcome the olim (can we just discuss-- I don't do math, but that's about 3.5 times the number of guests as to the number of olim!)
I get chills every time I watch a ceremony.
Mazal tov, bruchim haba'im, and WELCOME HOME!!!
Video here: http://www.nbn.org.il/live/
I get chills every time I watch a ceremony.
Mazal tov, bruchim haba'im, and WELCOME HOME!!!
Video here: http://www.nbn.org.il/live/
Thursday, July 7, 2011
"What is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most to us are wrapped up in parentheses." — John Irving
*this is a very personal post...heads up y'all*
A couple of years ago I built a nightstand, painted it a medium sky blue, and I wrote quotes, including the above one, all over it with some picture fitting the quote.
I just finished a book this morning, and in it the protagonist has a line about something being a couple of years and two lifetimes ago.
This is my second time coming back to NY after making aliyah, and coming back here now feels like my life here was another lifetime.
Strange as this sounds, it was never so clear to me as when I was with someone who I once loved-- and still do-- and realized that since I made aliyah I have changed so much and that even if I stayed here, I could never be with this person. That realization hurt so much. How can it be that someone I loved so much and who loves me back...that we've grown, or I've grown, so much away from who I was that it couldn't work? I loved him for three years (?-- give or take--) and then made aliyah and changed. And still loved-- love-- him. It hurts. A lot.
After high school I didn't go to seminary-- I went to college and grad school. My friend Shana, who did and then made aliyah, came back to NY and we were talking. We got onto how we'd changed and she said something that really made me think. She told me that I'd really just grown into more of the person I was in high school. I sort of got it-- college (really just post-high school and living out of my parents' house) gave me a chance to explore what I liked and things that interested me and figure out what I wanted, beyond the walls of school and my home. If I think about the person I was then, I can't say that I've really just grown into more of the person I was then.
I've changed so much over the past 18 months, and I don't know if I went back in time, if I would really believe that the person I am today evolved from the person I was then. I...I don't feel Israeli, but at the same time I know that Israel is so much a part of me and that I could never not live there. I'm so conflicted about how I want my life to be: I want to raise my children in Israel, but at the same time I'm horrified by the education there. I want my children to be Israeli and at the same time be American-- and proud of both of their nationalities and absorb and understand both cultures. I want my children to serve their countries, and I'm ok with it being either. I hope to G-d that there won't be a need for my children to defend Israel, but if there is, I want them to do so willingly and proudly. I want to be able to be able to express my feelings to my husband in Hebrew and in English and not have to translate from either language. I want my children to grow up singing the folk songs of America and the classic songs of Israel.
Is that too much to want?
A couple of years ago I built a nightstand, painted it a medium sky blue, and I wrote quotes, including the above one, all over it with some picture fitting the quote.
I just finished a book this morning, and in it the protagonist has a line about something being a couple of years and two lifetimes ago.
This is my second time coming back to NY after making aliyah, and coming back here now feels like my life here was another lifetime.
Strange as this sounds, it was never so clear to me as when I was with someone who I once loved-- and still do-- and realized that since I made aliyah I have changed so much and that even if I stayed here, I could never be with this person. That realization hurt so much. How can it be that someone I loved so much and who loves me back...that we've grown, or I've grown, so much away from who I was that it couldn't work? I loved him for three years (?-- give or take--) and then made aliyah and changed. And still loved-- love-- him. It hurts. A lot.
After high school I didn't go to seminary-- I went to college and grad school. My friend Shana, who did and then made aliyah, came back to NY and we were talking. We got onto how we'd changed and she said something that really made me think. She told me that I'd really just grown into more of the person I was in high school. I sort of got it-- college (really just post-high school and living out of my parents' house) gave me a chance to explore what I liked and things that interested me and figure out what I wanted, beyond the walls of school and my home. If I think about the person I was then, I can't say that I've really just grown into more of the person I was then.
I've changed so much over the past 18 months, and I don't know if I went back in time, if I would really believe that the person I am today evolved from the person I was then. I...I don't feel Israeli, but at the same time I know that Israel is so much a part of me and that I could never not live there. I'm so conflicted about how I want my life to be: I want to raise my children in Israel, but at the same time I'm horrified by the education there. I want my children to be Israeli and at the same time be American-- and proud of both of their nationalities and absorb and understand both cultures. I want my children to serve their countries, and I'm ok with it being either. I hope to G-d that there won't be a need for my children to defend Israel, but if there is, I want them to do so willingly and proudly. I want to be able to be able to express my feelings to my husband in Hebrew and in English and not have to translate from either language. I want my children to grow up singing the folk songs of America and the classic songs of Israel.
Is that too much to want?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Happy 4th! (part II), and unrelated notes
As an American-Israeli (and let's not discuss American-Israeli vs. Israeli-American; I was American first, but I wouldn't--couldn't-- live anywhere else but Israel), I celebrate two independence days.
I don't really find it a conflict at all, being both Israeli and American and celebrating the independence of both of my countries.
The days feel very different, though. Israeli Independence Day (henceforth abbreviated as IID) comes right after Yom Hazikaron, Israeli Memorial Day, and that really gives IID an...an added maybe (?) meaning, just because of the juxtaposition. American Memorial Day is completely separate from American Independence Day (AID; as a side note, there is also Veteran's Day and Flag Day in America...interesting). Independence Day in America is celebrated with fireworks, BBQs, and sales. Oh, and flag t-shirts. Those are very popular.
Unrelated Notes:
1. Onwards to being back in NY. The joys of Wal-Mart and lots of green mountains:
Wal-Mart. Please note the hugeness.
The mountains. Please note the greenness.
2. An interesting alarm clock that I would totally bring back, if not for the fact that, well...it looks like a bomb: here
3. I leave you with the song that makes me feel the most patriotic: "Proud to be an American," lyrics by Lee Greenwood:
I don't really find it a conflict at all, being both Israeli and American and celebrating the independence of both of my countries.
The days feel very different, though. Israeli Independence Day (henceforth abbreviated as IID) comes right after Yom Hazikaron, Israeli Memorial Day, and that really gives IID an...an added maybe (?) meaning, just because of the juxtaposition. American Memorial Day is completely separate from American Independence Day (AID; as a side note, there is also Veteran's Day and Flag Day in America...interesting). Independence Day in America is celebrated with fireworks, BBQs, and sales. Oh, and flag t-shirts. Those are very popular.
Unrelated Notes:
1. Onwards to being back in NY. The joys of Wal-Mart and lots of green mountains:
Wal-Mart. Please note the hugeness.
The mountains. Please note the greenness.
2. An interesting alarm clock that I would totally bring back, if not for the fact that, well...it looks like a bomb: here
3. I leave you with the song that makes me feel the most patriotic: "Proud to be an American," lyrics by Lee Greenwood:
If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.
And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
And I’m proud to be and American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Happy 4th!
Landed in the US of A in time for the 4th of July. Yay for long weekends!
I'm not jetlagged, except my body has to learn that Sunday in NY = weekend, not work. I got up at a perfectly normal hour-- if I had work. But I don't.
The plan is upstate, hiking, BBQ'ing. But it's raining, so that might change to upstate, Wal-Mart, swimming, BBQ'ing (it's supposed to slow down/stop later). Does this make me Israeli, if I'm going to hike and have a BBQ on Independence Day? Note, I'm not really going shopping...Wal-Mart doesn't count as major shopping/sales.
The flight was good, not too much turbulence. Got back, saw family, Andrea, Yoni, and Squish came over for Shabbos.
Really have to go-- more later!
I'm not jetlagged, except my body has to learn that Sunday in NY = weekend, not work. I got up at a perfectly normal hour-- if I had work. But I don't.
The plan is upstate, hiking, BBQ'ing. But it's raining, so that might change to upstate, Wal-Mart, swimming, BBQ'ing (it's supposed to slow down/stop later). Does this make me Israeli, if I'm going to hike and have a BBQ on Independence Day? Note, I'm not really going shopping...Wal-Mart doesn't count as major shopping/sales.
The flight was good, not too much turbulence. Got back, saw family, Andrea, Yoni, and Squish came over for Shabbos.
Really have to go-- more later!
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