More packing!

This time the movers will be doing it!

I got an estimate for my lift, and now I just have to wait for the movers to come and pack it and then send it off! Here's hoping that my stuff gets there safe and sound, and there are no strikes!

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring...

It's thunderstorming here. It doesn't rain in Israel in the summer, and even in the winter it's usually not thunderstorms. So it's pretty amazing to me to see them again, because I love them.

In other news, I'm waiting to get confirmation about an estimate for my lift. Hope that can happen this week and then have it sent asap. We shall see...things are coming together, it's really exciting and scary. But good scary, like a next logical step scary...just I haven't done it yet, so I don't really know what I'm doing.

"You're an Israeli wife"

No, I'm not married, don't worry. I didn't, you know, date, get engaged and married in the past 5 days and manage to keep it all a secret.

I am dating someone, though, whose identity shall remain anonymous right now because I don't know if he is comfortable with blogging. We will call him B, since he is the second guy that I've dated since I made aliyah (and there is a "B" in his name). He is also an oleh, but he's been here for a while, and most of his immediate family made aliyah as well. We met a few months ago, but we only started dating about a month ago-- and, yes, I have been in the States for 3 of those weeks. We saw each other...well, when we started dating, and haven't seen each other since. Why? Because B is in the army, and the army didn't let him out the Shabbat before I left.

I told my adopted sister (for those of you who are just coming in now, my adopted family is awesome. My dad grew up with the mom, and our families have always been close-- they have always been like an aunt and uncle and the kids were like cousins) that I was dating someone and he's in the army. And she responded with the subject line.

Not quite a wife-- we're dating, not married, but this is a big part of Israeli culture. Army and the army life. I'm learning a lot about the army and the stupidity and the good that happens there. The 7-hour time difference is actually working because he's up at random hours coming off of shmira, or when I'm going to sleep he's just getting up, and when I get up he's sometimes waiting around for something or to go somewhere. So we make it work. But I'm learning that the army has a time schedule of its own. Just because you're supposed to go on shmira at 9 pm doesn't mean it's always going to happen; you might get switched, something might come up, they might call you to do something else. But the army is also respectful of religion (he is not in a Hesder unit (type of service that combines studying in a Yeshiva with army service))-- after one of the fast days there was a masa (yes, stupid and not so respectful there...). Normally all the soldiers would go, but the soldiers who fasted were excused-- they did shmira, I think. Or something else. And after the fast, the army served a huge meal with meat and chicken and...lots of stuff. And on the other fast day, he was excused from his patrols.

It's so strange and wonderful to me that even though he is in the army and we don't get to see each other much and won't get to see each other as often as we would like even when I'm back, right now he gets out every other weekend for 3 days-- Thursday, Friday, and Shabbat, aka "chamshu"sh (chamishi-shishi-shabbat)," and I know that those are times I can count on to see him (unless something comes up). If I was dating someone in the American army, I could easily not see him in-person for months at a time. I'm learning. Slowly, but I'm learning.

The non-army long-distance stuff-- it's annoying because we don't get to see each other much-- and when we do it's using Oovoo (like Skype, only better because you can have more people video conferencing in and you can send video messages). But it's something. Three years ago it wouldn't have been this easy. I also just got this service called Spikko, which gave me an Israeli number than B can call me on. Our phone bills are going to be huge, but this should make it a bit less, at least from his end. It's also different than a "regular" relationship because you're not physically with each other and you aren't going out on dates or spending time doing things together. We talk. A lot. And we play games over the phone-- Jotto, Battleship, Ghost (any other suggestions, please let me know! But not chess, because we already know about that). It's definitely harder than a normal relationship, and his army schedule in some ways makes it easier to talk, and in some ways makes it harder. But it's good.

Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av is a Jewish day of mourning, the culmination of The Three Weeks and The Nine Days-- the day that the both the First and Second Temples were destroyed (the First by Vevuchadnezzar in 423 BCE, and the Second in 70 CE by the Romans). But it's more than that-- Tisha B'Av is a VERY BAD DAY for the Jewish people. This is also the day that the Jews in the desert accepted the negative report about Eretz Yisrael from the meraglim (the spies); The Bar Kochva revolt was crushed by Hadrian (Roman Emperor), and Betar (city of the Jews "last stand") was captured and liquidated in 135 CE; the Beit Hamikdash and the area around it were razed by Turnus Rufus, and Jerusam was rebuilt as a pagan city and Jews were not allowed in; The Jews were expelled from Spain during the Inquisition on 1492; WWI broke out in 1941 on Erev Tisha B'Av (the eve of Tisha B'Av); The mass deportation from the Warsaw Ghetto to Treblinka began on Tisha B'Av in 1942.

There are a lot of differences between Tisha B'Av and every other day. For starters, the two "big" fasts in the Jewish calendar are Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av-- there are a lot of superficial prohibitions, but they are very, very different days. Tisha B'Av is a day of mourning, so in addition to fasting, we refrain from doing things similar to one who is in mourning. We sit on low chairs, we do not anointing for pleasure (for example, putting on perfume to smell good); washing (other than for hygiene purposes), having marital relations, wearing leather shoes, learning Torah (other than Tisha B'Av and mourning-related topics). There are more, but this is not, not is it meant to be, a halacha blog or entry. Go to Aish.com here or to OU.org here to learn more about the halachot (laws) and customs and practices of Tisha B'Av.

I'm trying to figure out how to actually mourn for the Beit Hamikdash. I don't know if I'm doing it right, I don't really know how I feel and...what...everything about it. I've never experienced the Beit Hamikdash, but I've been to the Kotel. I wish I was there now. I also wish I could cry about it. I feel like I want to, but I'm not, I don't feel...comfortable crying here. I think I need to be at the Kotel and in Israel for this one. My first Tisha B'av in Israel and I'm in New York.

Coming to America...

I'm back. I've been back since Monday morning, and since then I've been struck by a lot of things. The most recent is today-- how different it feels than in Israel. Today is Friday, erev Shabbat. It doesn't feel like erev Shabbat, except for the fact that we are doing preparations at home. People are at work past 12 or 2 pm, the buses and subways will be running tomorrow-- note the changes on the MTA website.

Sunday is a day off. I am excited for that.

When I got off the plane, the first thing that hit me was the signs in Spanish. Welcome to America. Then when I walked outside, the ground was different-- the pavement itself, the way the sidewalks looked. The different types of people, so many...and most of the black people that I saw weren't Ethiopian and the women didn't have tattoos on their faces and necks.

I was walking on 7th Avenue-- and couldn't eat in any of the places I passed. Granted, it's like that in many places outside of Jerusalem especially, but it's not that bad in general. We're not talking about nice places-- even just a falafel or bagel place.

I'm ready to come home. I love that my family is here, and I can actually make a decent salary...but I don't feel comfortable. It's just enough out of alignment that I feel it. It's not that I don't speak the language or don't remember the culture. But it feels like I have a wall surrounding me that I'm not really a New Yorker so much as a Jerusalemite. And yet in Israel, I'm still from NY and always will be.

Heading...home?

I'm going back to NY in a few hours-- leaving in about 45 minutes to an hour, to be specific.

When I go this time, I'm going back on my teufat ma'avar-- my temporary Israeli passport-- and coming in on my American passport. And when I leave I'm going to leave on my American passport and come in on my teudat ma'avar. Confusing.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm mostly annoyed that I can't find this little red jewelry case-- it's about 1" x 1.5", so you can imagine that it's quite easy to lose. The frustrating thing is that I had it with some cards...and I have the cards. And the case is nowhere to be found. I looked in (read: emptied) the suitcases, shook out the clothes that were there, looked under the table near where I packed, emptied the backpacks...and nothing. Which is very frustrating and annoying. It had my name necklaces in it and some earrings... :(

I'm excited to see everyone. Tomorrow I'm either going to be going out to Queens, or Queens people are coming to me.

4th of July

I forgot-- last night I went to a 4th of July party at the American Ambassador's house. More on it later, but b'kitzur-- it was a lot of fun.

There was a point in the ceremony when both The Star Spangled Banner (the American national anthem) and Hatikva (the Israeli national anthem) were sung. During The Star Spangled Banner only the singer (and maybe a few other people, but not many) sang. During Hatikva, there was an undercurrent of people singing. Not loud, but you definitely heard it. I was so proud of being Israeli at that moment-- our anthem is played --> we sing.

Last Shabbos (Shabbat) in Israel for 2 months

I was on the 13 bus today, passing Machane Yehuda when it hit me-- this is my last Shabbat here for 2 months. As the bus was going past I turned my head, to try to get in the sight of Machane Yehuda on erev Shabbos one more time, one last little bit. I know I'm coming back on August 31, and I really want to see everyone. But Israel is home, and I know that as long as I'm not here I'm going to miss it.

I'm not going into this trip with the idea that I'm not going to enjoy New York. I just know that I will miss Israel. I'm excited to see my family and friends and I really miss all of them. But every time I leave it's like I'm being ripped from my home and there's a part of me that feels incomplete when I'm not here. NY and Israel are both home. But Israel, being in the country itself, feels more right than being in NY.

Oh, it was was my half-year aliyahaniversary on June 30. Happy half-year to me and the other olim on the December 30, 2009 NBN flight! I'm still trying to figure out where these past 6 months went.

Murgh

Not happy with the army right now.

Why? Because I'm leaving on Sunday and I wanted to see someone before I left...and this Shabbat is a closed one, which means on base. Murgh.

I guess that's life in this country.

Political Post #1

This blog is generally not a political blog at all. I don't even have a label for politics. But...I live in Israel, and a large part of Israel and being Israeli is politics. The first part is a notice about the True Freedom Flotilla, set to sail to the UN tomorrow. The second part is a letter that was posted by Tamar Yonah, an English-speaking radio talk show host and blogger. I do not know if the letter is real or not, but it's a thought either way. I will put my comments and thoughts about these in a later post.

Part I:

MEDIA ADVISORY

“TRUE FREEDOM FLOTILLA” TO SAIL TO UNITED NATIONS

UNPRECEDENTED DEMONSTRATION WILL REMIND INTERNATIONAL BODY OF FOURTH ANNIVERSARY OF GILAD SHALIT CAPTIVITY AND

CALL FOR HIS RELEASE

WHEN: Thursday, June 24, 11:30 a.m.

WHERE: The Queen of Hearts boat

Pier 40 (Houston Street and West Side Highway)

New York City

RSVP REQUIRED TO ACCESS MEETING

Marking the fourth anniversary of Gilad Shalit’s kidnapping byHamas, the “True Freedom” Flotilla will sail from Pier 40 around the tip of Manhattan and the Statue of Liberty to theUnited Nations to remind the international body and the world of the real siege in Gaza and call for the release of Gilad Shalit. The Flotilla is organized by the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations.

The Flotilla will sail regardless of the weather forecast, as the boats are covered.

The media is invited to remain aboard the Queen of Hearts following the press conference. The Flotilla will depart from Pier 40 at 12:00 noon and will return around 2:00 p.m.

Gilad Shalit was kidnapped from within Israeli territory on June 25, 2006, as part of an unprovoked and well-planned attack byHamas terrorists. He remains held in total isolation with no access to the International Red Cross or other humanitarian bodies. Since his capture, Hamas has provided only two indications that Gilad is still alive – a recorded message of his voice released on June 25, 2007, and a video of him released on October 2, 2009.

PLEASE NOTE: Security requires advance notice of all attendees to this meeting. To RSVP for the meeting, please contact the Conference of Presidents at rsvp@conferenceofpresidents.org or 212-318-6111.

Part II:

*Hello Uncle Erwin,***

This is Amir writing you after reading what you sent to my father, Eitan.

As you know, it was my unit and my friends who were on the ship. My commander was injured badly as a result of the "pacifists" violence. I want to tell you how he was injured so you could tell the story. It shows just how horrible and inhuman were the activists. My commander was the first soldier that rappelled down from the helicopter to the ship.
When he touched ground, he got hit in the head with a pole and stabbed in the stomach with a knife.

When he drew out his secondary weapon-a handgun (his primary weapon was a regular paintball gun: "Tippman 98 custom") he was shot in the leg. He managed to fire a single shot before he was tossed from the balcony by 4
Arab activists, to the lower deck (a 12 feet fall). He was then dragged by other activists to a room in the lower deck were he was stripped down by 2 activists. They took off his vest, helmet and shirt, leaving him
with only his pants and shoes on. When they finished they took a knife and expanded the wound he already had in his stomach. They cut his ab muscles horizontally and by hand spilled his guts out. When they finished they raised him up and walked him on the deck outside. He was conscious the whole time.

If you are asking yourself why they did all that, here comes the reason.
They wanted to show the soldiers their commander's body so they will be demoralized and scared. Luckily, when they walked him on the deck a soldier saw him and managed to shoot the activist that was walking him
down the outside corridor. He shot him with a special non-lethal bullet that didn't kill him. My commander managed to jump from the deck to the water and swim to an army rescue boat (his guts still out of his
body, and now in salty sea water). That was how he was saved. The activists that did this to him are alive, now in Turkey, and treated as heroes.

I'm sorry if I described this with too many details, but I thought it was necessary for the credibility. Please tell this story to anyone who will listen. I think that these days you are one of Israel's best spokesman.

*Thanks uncle Erwin, *

* *

*Shabbat Shalom!***

* *

*Amir***

NY, here I come! (soon)

I'm going back to NY for the summer.
It's weird-- I was so excited to come to Israel, every time I came before, and now when I'm going to NY, I'm just excited to see my family, I'm not excited to be back in NY (except that there are a lot of cheaper things there).

I'm confused.

Yay progress!

It's been about a month since I last updated. Tons has happened since then...
-Deposited my first check, which was very exciting
-Miriam found an apartment and that she, Eden, and I are renting
-Ordered checks
-Got my teudat ma'avar
-Was in the MDA EMS Championship up North
-Finishing Ulpan
-Finding a job
-Summer in NY!

So, let's start:
Check: I deposited my first check in my bank account! It doesn't seem like that big a deal, but I did it in Hebrew. I walked into one of the bank branches and said to someone, "Hi. I know this sounds sort of silly, but can you help me deposit this check? I've never deposited a check before and don't know what to do." So she did. And she was very nice and helpful, and said, "There's a first time for everything." And so it was. I successfully deposited my first check. Go me.

Miriam found an apartment and that she, Eden, and I are renting: Miriam found an apartment for us. It's mostly unfurnished-- it has a fridge and stove, closets, and a couple of pieces of furniture, but mostly not. No beds or anything. So we are working on getting furniture. It's 3 bedrooms and a HUGE living room. The kitchen is also big, and there's another side room with the stove and a second sink and a place for the washing machine. There's also a mirpeset-- two of the rooms open to the mirpeset and the third does not. Two toilets and one bathtub/shower. A little more than I wanted to pay, but it's really not unreasonable for what we are renting. The Arnona and va'ad bayit are also more expensive, but that seems to be normal for that area. The landlords are also supposedly good landlords and good people. Our lease starts July 1.

Ordered checks: I ordered (and picked up) my checks. I have to go back to the bank, though, because it showed that it took 9 shekels out of my account when it wasn't supposed to because as an olah chadasha I get 3 checkbooks free. There's someone in the branch who speaks English and she's been wonderful; I'll go talk to her.

Got my teudat ma'avar: Went to Misrad Hapnim to fill out the form, gave in the pictures, and paid. Miriam went to pick it up from the post office (because it was sent registered mail) and they wouldn't let her because she didn't have my ID with her. Murgh. I SIGNED the form so she could pick it up...and they still wouldn't let her. So I went to the post office and got there at 5:57-- it closes at 6. Someone was there at 6:03 and they wouldn't let him in. I'm very glad I got there on time. So I now have a teudat ma'avar, which is like a temporary passport. You can't get an Israeli passport until you've been a citizen for a year, but you need to travel on an Israeli document when leaving Israel so you get a teudat ma'avar until you can get your real passport. So I have one now.

Was in the MDA EMS Championship up North: SO MUCH FUN! It was 3 days of challenges and working with new people and just...fun. The theme was "From Gilboa to Carmel," which were the two regions that won the last Championship (it's every 2 years); Carmel won again this year from MDA (BLS and ALS), and Spain (BLS) and Canada (ALS) won this year from the international teams. I was on the Irish team with a driver from Netanya.

Finishing Ulpan: Tomorrow is my last day of classes. We have to be out by the 15, but I'm teaching a course starting Monday, so I'm moving out Monday morning. I have almost everything moved out; Basi came on Thursday night and picked up some suitcases and stuff, I brought one home on Friday, and I have some other random things to pack up that I'm just going to have to bring to the course, and we still have quite a bit from the kitchen. And the stand dryer. Miriam is going to be taking stuff. I don't know how, but we will have to make it work-- we have to have things out and in some order. Alan came on Friday and took a bunch of stuff-- a suitcase of kitchen stuff, and the oven-- to his machsan.

Finding a job: Work in progress. There was somewhere that wanted me to come work, but it was mornings, and before I finished Ulpan and I wanted to finish Ulpan. I'm now looking for jobs, preferably in schools or gan or ma'on. Afternoons work too; I definitely wouldn't mind working in the afternoon. The system is very different here in that there are more part-time positions and very few full-time positions available. I don't really know how benefits work here-- full-time/part-time. Are they different? How? What am I entitled to as an employee, etc. Tips anybody?


Summer in NY!: I'm going back July 4-August 31. It's going to be interesting, because I'm still a citizen-- I'm not giving up my American citizenship, I don't want to-- but in a way I'll be a tourist. I don't live in NY anymore, and...I think that's going to be a shock when I first get there. Of course I remember how things look and all that, but it's...my parents' house feels like home. It feels funny to say that NY, though, is home. I'm not sure that it is anymore, at least it's not completely home.

How do you know what's right?

How do you know what's right? I mean...now...I just...I'm questioning...

Did I do the right thing by making aliyah? I was so sure that this was right for me, that I wanted to be in Israel. And I am. I'm so sure that this is the right place for me and that I should be here.

But I’m also questioning if I shouldn’t have stayed in NY and shouldn’t have left some people.

Would staying there have just been safe? Coming to Israel was definitely a leap of faith on many levels and in a way there’s not a day that I don’t have some regret, or twinge of missing NY…home…something.

It’s so hard to be here. I love it and it's in a way easier to be here, I don't have to explain things. But it's so hard emotionally. You're missing things and people and you can't be there for your family and friends the way you were before and you want to and it just hurts.

You know there are other people who are going through this, and went through this, but somehow it's not your situation and it's just not the same.

I understand what Mom was saying about me being lonely. Mom, if you're reading this (not that I think you know it exists or know how to find it, but all the same)-- don't worry, I'm fine. I promise. I just miss the usual birthday routine.

How do you know what's right?, part II

How do you know what's right? I mean...now...I just...I'm questioning...

Did I do the right thing by making aliyah? I was so sure that this was right for me, that I wanted to be in Israel. And I am. I'm so sure that this is the right place for me and that I should be here.




-->

How do you know what’s right? I mean…now…I just…I’m questioning…

Did I do the right thing by making aliyah? I was so sure that this was right for me, that I wanted to be in Israel. And I am. I’m so sure that this is the right place for me and that I should be here.

But I’m also questioning if I shouldn’t have stayed in NY and shouldn’t have left some people.

Would staying there have just been safe? Coming to Israel was definitely a leap of faith on many levels and in a way there’s not a day that I don’t have some regret, or twinge of missing NY…home…something.

It’s so hard to be here.

Birthday thoughts

I haven't forgotten about Yom Hashoah, Yom Hazikaron, and Yom Haatzmaut. I will also have Yom Yehushalyim to add to that list very shortly. But put those on the side for now.

My last birthday in Israel was at a very different point in my life. I was still living at home with my parents and I was in Israel on vacation. Not, you know, for life. The night before I was staying at Hannah's apartment with Eden and we broke out the cookies at midnight-- Stella D'oro Swiss Fudge cookies. Yummy. I opened one card and left the rest for the morning. The next morning we went to out 88-hour/natan course and I had a surprise birthday party with the um...yeah, the most interesting birthday cake I had ever had.

This year is completely different. I'm in Israel, but I'm living here...as in, not on vacation. I'm living here. My family sent cards and I supposed I could put them (or at least the card from my parents) on the table for the morning, but that definitely loses something. Even though I knew that every year there was going to be a card waiting for me when I got downstairs, it was always nice and exciting.

I also don't really know what to do for my birthday party this year. I don't have an apartment that I can really have friends over in because I live in a merkaz klita [absorption center] that happens to be sof ha'olam s'molah [end of the world, take a left]. Bars are not my thing. I decided to either do light dinner (bagels, salads, etc.) in the park, or dinner at a restaurant. The thing with a restaurant is that you have to make reservations and really know how many people, etc. In the park (or in an apartment) you can get a couple of dozen bagels, spreads, drinks, and snacks and people can come in and out. I don't really care, it's about the people.

I sort of forgot about this. I've started journaling again, in an actual handwritten journal, and this kind of fell by the wayside. Sorry. Let's try this again.

First of all-- pictures. My internet here kind of sucks, so once I get back to NY (more on that at a later point in time) I'll upload from my first 6 months as an olah.


So-- Pesach. This is what I wrote in my iGoogledisrael column:
This was my first Passover (Pesach) in Israel, and my first Pesach as an Israeli. One thing that separates Israel from the rest of the world is the number of days in the holiday. Outside of Israel there are 8 days to Passover, and in Israel there are 7—so there is one less holiday-day (called “chag”) than outside. As a new Israeli, the concept of having only one day of chag is a little weird, because it kind of feels like half of the holiday is missing. In a way it is, but it’s still odd to have only one day.

Another difference is that you have to check EVERYTHING for not only being kosher for Passover (Kasher l’Pesach, or abbreviated as “kashl“ap”), but also checking to see if it’s kosher for Passover for everyone, or only for those who eat Kitniyot (legumes and such, including rice, beans, and corn; Jews of Sefardi descent eat them, Jews of Ashkenai descent don’t). There is a lot in Israel that is kosher for Pesach that may contain kitniyot, including drinks, snacks, even yogurt. Outside of Israel, especially in North America where I am from, things will generally not be on the kosher for Passover shelves if they have kitniyot in them, or they will be in a separate area. Here they’re very mixed in and you have to check things very, very carefully.

As far as the products—in Israel there is a law that chametz (leaven) products cannot be displayed for public sale. In North American, if you’re not in a kosher grocery store, then there is usually a part of the store sectioned for Passover products. In Israel, they drape plastic tablecloths over the non-kosher l’pesach areas and put a sign on them that says “chametz.” And anything else is kosher for Passover, however you have to check it for kitniyot.

And since it’s a national holiday, many people are off or take off from work and participate in the Israeli pastime of hiking and camping. The North is just starting to bloom, and many people go camping on the Kinneret and in other areas of the Galil and Golan. Another popular spot is the Dead Sea. One other thing—the buses, at least the Jerusalem buses, alternate the route number and direction with “Chag kasher v’sameach”—“A kosher and happy holiday.”

Passover in Israel…nothing like it.


My Pesach went like this:
-Seder. One day of chag. BBQ for lunch...mmmm!
-Feel like I'm missing half of the chag, so I listen to my aunt and uncle having a seder in the background, sit with them to be social, and then watch Numbers on the computer.
-Plan on relaxing at home
-Nix that plan and go to the Kineret
-Go to Karmiel overnight to see a friend
-Go to Tzefat and spend a day-and-a-half there. Intense.
-Go back home for Shabbat
-Spend Sunday getting ready for more chag
-More chag. One day again. Again, feel like half the chag is missing.
-Undo Pesach
-Isru chag. Have off from Ulpan, go back to Jerusalem


And that was Pesach. It was weird having to check things so much for things being kosher l'pesach NOT l'ochlei kitniyot. Even the Nestle cocoa, which I got in NY and was kosher l'Pesach...not here! It's l'ochlei kitniyot! Tricky things!

Yom Hashoah, Yom Hazikaron, and Yom Ha'atzmaut to follow. As well as Lag Baomer, which is this upcoming Motza"sh.

Missing home?

I miss my family and friends. Just one of those moments.

I would like my room and my bed that I've was sleeping in since we moved into the house. My pillows, my quilt, and my Booba. Or the bear one of my friends gave me that I slept with when I was in the dorm and my Booba was at home.
I want to sleep against the blue corduroy backrest pillow that Elissa swiped repeatedly.
I would like to go to sleep with my sister in the other bed in my room and talk as we both fall asleep and then remember to tell her that I love her and give her a kiss before we both pass out. Or go to sleep in her bed because mine is covered with stuff (read: clothes).
Not be able to fall asleep or want to read before I sleep so I pick up one of the books along the wall or next to my bed and know that I will always have something to read because the wall is lined with books.
To walk in to my room and see the collages on my walls, the pictures, the posters, the lyrics.
Looking into my mirror and seeing the photos stuck in the edges where the mirror and the wood framing meet and looking down at my dresser, full of photo frames and tchachkes that mean something.
My stereo. With a record player. It took me 3 years to find it.
Being able to call my parents and sisters and many friends without even thinking about it. And walking home phone calls with Sara...I miss those...

I'm home here, but I miss my home in NY.

I can't really figure out this "home" business...Israel is home in that it feels right here. I guess that's what home is, where it feels right. And it's ok for both Israel and NY to be home. But it feels weird to call NY home because it feels not right there, but it feels right to be in the house I grew up in, with everything familiar.

Reflections on One Seder

Somehow...it doesn't quite feel like Yom Tov with only one day of chag. I suppose that's normal-- but...it feels...missing something- wait, let's rephrase that so it's proper English and makes sense: it feels like something is missing. As much as the two-day yom tov was long, it feels like something is missing now. Like it's only half of a chag.

My aunt and uncle are doing a second seder; that's also weird, to have a second seder going on in the background while I'm sitting here tapping away on the computer.

Pesach in the Holy Land

Subtitle: My first chag as an Israeli

Pesach is one of those holidays that is so darn family-centered. Growing up my parents, sisters, and I always went upstate with my father's parents, my aunt, uncle, and cousin (my dad's sister and her family), and my mom's parents (my mom is an only child). And there were 12 of us in the house, plus the dog-- Bubby and Zaidy (my dad's parents)'s room, my aunt and uncle's room, my family's room, and my Grandma and Grandpa (my mom's parents)'s room. The kids all slept in in their parent's rooms/in the couch when passed out from exhaustion at the seder.

We had our traditions-- the kids rotated setting the table/serving/cleaning up; 2 kids per seder and the rest of the meals were 1 child each. My mom brought the European kiddush cups for the seder, four of them in four different sizes. There were originally 3 in the set from my great-grandparents, and then a fourth one was added from a family friend. Only the largest two were big enough to actually have enough wine from, but we used them anyway. My Zaidy, my Grandpa, my dad, and my uncle each had a seder plate, and everyone had their own kiddush cup. My Zaidy's was red/maroon glass, my Grandpa's kiddush cup was green with a glass insert, my dad's was silver with his name, and my uncle's was silver also. My cousin had his own, too, also silver. My Bubby, Grandma, and aunt used glass ones, and my mom and sisters and I used the European cups and sometimes supplemented with other cups.

The way Pesach went in my house was a couple of weeks before Pesach, my parents would go upstate and bring stuff up, and then a few days before my Bubby and Zaidy would go up and supervise the cleaning lady. In our house in the city we would clean and get the house Pesachdik because my dad came back over chol hamoed to work. My Grandpa made the charoset in our house, with my little sister and I as taste testers; mostly wine, but he always made one container with grape juice.

We would all get upstate, and my Bubby and Zaidy would already be there, usually my aunt, uncle, and cousin as well, and my Bubby would be making chremzel (matzah meal pancakes) for us to eat. We would unload in between eating, saying hi, and petting the dog.

Once everything was in and we were ready to get ready for the seder, my Grandma would do the eggs, whoever was on duty for the seder would set the table with my Bubby, my Bubby would make the salad, my mom would be heating the food up, and my aunt would be doing the seder plates and whatnot. Everyone was doing something.

Then the guys came home from shul. Treasure would let us know. Eventually the guys would pick their matzahs, everyone would end up with a Haggadah (usually the same ones, although it always took 20 minutes to pick...), and we would start. Zaidy made kiddush, the Grandpa, then my dad, then my uncle, then BZ. For Karpas, my Bubby would make the salt water (with pepper too) and put it in two white bowls with the same cups every year. Once Yachatz happened, we (the kids) would tell our fathers/grandfathers that we would "keep" the afikomen safe and make sure it was in a safe place until the end of the seder. My BZ took his dad's, and us girls (my sisters and I) would split up between my dad, Zaidy, and Grandpa. Usually my dad gave it to my mom to hold and Lis got it; Andrea got Grandpa's because she sat next to him, and I got my Zaidy's. Once Andrea got married and went to Seder with Yoni's family, I took Grandpa's. And we would go through the seder, reading and talking. Ma Nishtana, Lis and BZ did. We used to do the multi-lingual thing, but then it got tiring. Of course there were the classic moments of, "And the rasha says, 'What kind of crap is this?'" and divrei Torah and comments interspersed in Maggid and in-between. Motzei everyone did on their own-- but until that happened... We got to shulchan orech-- no matter who was on duty, I served soup. My thing was soup. Is soup (as in, I know what everybody in my family wants and can tell you-- clear soup, veggies, no veggies, only certain veggies, noodles, kneidel, how much...it's kinda freaky/cool). Then came tzafun, aka negotiations. We used to negotiate individually, but eventually we all (all 4 of us cousins) negotiated together as a group, on one night for both sedarim. It was a game: we would hide the afikoman, we would say we won't give it back, my dad would threaten to eat another piece of matzah instead and not wait for the afikoman and we would talk to my Zaidy. Grandpa always agreed right away, or before my Grandma died he would "consult" with her. But it was just so much fun. As the seder went on, though, there would be different people "taking breaks" by falling asleep on the couch or going to their beds. At Hallel and Nirtzah, we would go around during Echad Mi Yodeah and Adir Hu, etc., taking turns reading. If I close my eyes-- actually, I don't have to, I can just picture it-- I can still hear almost hear my Grandma's voice, and I can still see and hear my Grandpa reading from the large print Haggadah in his English-Hungarian accent. I miss it. I miss them.

After Grandma died it wasn't the same-- close, but still felt her missing. And then Andrea got married and they were by us once, but after that went to the hotel. And last year Grandpa died so that was one less person at the table. And this year...well, this year, I wouldn't be there, my aunt and uncle came to Israel because BZ is here for the year, and so my Bubby and Zaidy and parent and Lis would have been the only ones. And that's depressing. So Bubby, Zaidy, my parents, and Lis went to the hotel and they're going to get to spend the Seder with Andrea and Yoni and Squishy-- one, at least. The other seder they're doing with Yoni's family.

I'm having a hard-ish time. Remember how my mom didn't want me to be lonely? I'm not lonely, but I do miss my family and friends back in NY. I think I feel it a little more acutely because of the break-up and not having that person like before, but it's also the first time I'm away from my family and missing the real traditions that we do every year and the...just the home and family. Sukkot isn't as much, because I went away for the last days anyway so it was kind of whatever. But Pesach-- we were all together. And there was always too much food and too many drinks and everyone getting on each other's nerves and being in and out and...this Pesach is going to be hard. Good, nice, different, but hard.

I also realized that I can't not live in Israel, but I definitely left someone I very well could have married. I'm having a bit of a down moment.

Two posts in one

First Post:
Yesterday I had to go from Beit Yehuda in Givat Massua to Rechaviya; I needed the 13. I could have taken the 12 the other way to meet the 13, but the person at the front desk said I could also catch the 13 at Malcha. I didn't remember that, but I figured, "Well, that's the direction I need." So I asked the bus driver where I catch the 13. He asked me, "Where are you going?" I told him, and he goes, "You should have taken the bus the other way." Well, I hadn't...so he told me what buses to switch to and someone else chimes in, and then the front part of the bus was debating which was the best way for me to get where I needed to go. Only in Israel.


Second Post:
Two years ago at this time I was back in NYC. March 25, 2008, was my return flight to NYC after spending about 9 weeks in Israel.
I did not want to be back, I did not want to be back. It was more like a vacation or short trip in between being in Israel.

And here I am now, March 25, 2010, getting ready for my first Pesach as an olah, as an Israeli, and planning my trip back to NY from Israel. This time when I book a round-trip ticket it will be from TLV to JFK/EWR and back to TLV.

It just keeps hitting me...I live here. I live here. I. LIVE. HERE. ISRAEL. This is freakin' awesome!