Sunday, September 27, 2009

It's almost 3 months until I leave. Three months and 3 days, if you look at the calendar, but that doesn't take into account flight times and such. But I'm calling just about 3 months.

I feel like I should be more...I don't know...feel more something. I'm excited, but it feels tempered, like I'm at the anti-climax almost. Like there should be more of an overt excitement. It's's been a long time coming and it's been a long journey, even though the decision to make aliyah came about 15 months ago.

I don't know...I just...I feel like this should be some huge deal, and I should be really excited about it, even 3 months in advance. It's only 3 months, after all, and I am moving across an ocean.

Maybe as it gets closer I'm becoming more aware of the full impact this is having and is going to have on my family here. Andrea said to me today that she looks forward to talking to me an hour or two before Shabbos. I told her that we can still speak to each other erev Shabbos, and she said we can, but it won't be the same. It's true.

There's a lot that I'm going to miss-- my family and friends and all the "little things." It's calling an hour or two before Shabbos. It's talking every day. It's being able to just...take a bus or train to see my family and friends. Calling my Bubby and Zaidy and having to try all 3 numbers before I get them, followed by my Zaidy going, "I'm in the middle of __________. Can you call me back later?" I might not be able to do that any more. It's going to take a lot more coordination to be able to talk to them. Right now I use so many Verizon minutes; I won't be doing that when I'm in Israel. There's a time difference. My non-grandparents family will be easier to coordinate. But there will still be that time difference and it's going to be hard. And Fat Tush. I might have to fly out to Chicago for, literally, a day to say bye to her. I miss her. I need to get a dog when I'm there. My parents, Andrea (Yoni, Squishy), Elissa-- I don't even want to think about it. Lis and I get crazy when we haven't seen each other for a week, let alone 6+ months. And when I don't come back for a year or more? Um... My parents. I'm going to miss them. My mom is kind of funny about this. Not funny-haha, but funny-odd. She wants me to stop thinking/talking about raiding the kitchen-- but then she says, "Oh, here, do you want this?" She tells people on the phone, "I don't want her to go alone; it's going to be lonely, but what can I do? I can't tie her up and tell her to say here, she's a grown-up." My dad doesn't really talk about it but I know that he's okay with it. I really don't know what my mom is going to do-- she says they'll manage, and I know they will, but there are a lot of little things-- schlepping, taking care of random things around the house, helping's also going to be hard for me because I know that I'm not there to do those things, and I was and I feel like I should.
Sara, Chari, VV people, Heights people, Einstein people. Some people in the neighborhood. It's just...I'm going to miss the get-togethers and the random hanging out and just being able to call them up pretty much any time. That is going to suck.

I know I'll make more friends, and be able to spend time with my friends in Israel, but it's not the same. It's not that I don't think I'll be happy there, but it's really starting to get me. Like a slow-motion, really heavy-looking...something. I'm not quite sure what I'm thinking or feeling.

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