Friday, November 20, 2009

Leaving, part II

I emailed my letter of resignation to my supervisor and...mmmm...not feeling it.

I went in to see the assistant principal at one of my schools and he said to me, "I'm sad." I said, "Me too." He said, "You know, we got someone good in and you're leaving." I know, Dr. T, I know...

It's a great compliment-- I really feel like I'm actually valued in the school. It is a great thing to actually feel like you're a part of the school; in my previous school, the only reason I spoke to the AP or principal was to get something signed or if there was a problem. I have REAL CONVERSATIONS with the AP and principal at this school. I have been at this school for 3 months and I feel like a part of a family-- the atmosphere there is just...positive and really working for the kids. Not that everything is rosy and perfect-- there are problems and annoyances, but there is still a feeling Which is nice. And now that I know that feeling, it's going to be hard to work somewhere without it because I know how good it can be. But that's not what this blog is for.

I don't want to leave. I feel like I'm leaving in the middle, and...I know there's never going to be GOOD time to leave, not while there's so much here for me. But I also know that if I don't leave I'll always be wondering and wanting and regretting. I can come back and work as a contract therapist a year later, even if I don't get a waiver which would allow me to "appear before the DOE" less than one year after leaving. But I really hope I get the waiver. Will I necessarily get the same school? No. But one of the things about me is that wherever I am, I do my best. Look, I knew I was leaving. But I still am doing everything I need to, everything I would do if I was staying in the school for 25 years.

No matter what I do, I'm not going to be completely satisfied. There is always going to be some amount of "I wish I was there."

darn it.

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